In a hotel room during a recent trip:
Todd: Do you need in the bathroom? I need to go...
ME: *sigh* Try not to do anything weird in there. I just washed Ella's bottles and they are drying by the sink in there.
Todd: *silence*
Todd: Um...what do you mean anything weird?
ME: You know, don't fling poo around in there or anything.
Todd: *silence*
Todd: *staring in disbelief*
Todd: You're actually worried about fecal fling?
ME: Yes. Yes I am.
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Whenever we take Ella to the doctor, the doctor says, "OOOH, Ella...you look like the daddy!" (and Ella's CLEARLY a carbon copy of me, but whatever...). It's become our joke. We took her in last week and the doctor told Todd that he's lost weight. On the way out:
Him: Did you hear? Did you hear? The doctor says I've lost weight.
ME: She also says that Ella looks just like you. You do the math.
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Him: Well, the insurance said they wouldn't pay for any of the $2700 roof damage.
ME: WHAT?!?!? WHAT THE... Why do we even pay insurance?!? Every time we need something they "magically" don't cover that.
ME: THAT'S IT! CANCEL THE HOMEOWNER'S INSURANCE. Why do we even pay it anyway?!?
Him: Ummmm...because it's a term in the mortgage...
ME: *sigh*
Him: It gets better. The inspector said that if we didn't get it taken care of sooner than later, it was going to cause mold to be growing on the inside of the walls and the baby would be inhaling mold spores.
ME: WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!??! ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME INSANE? I WON'T EVEN USE A TOWEL AFTER YOU'VE USED IT. WHAT EVER WOULD MAKE YOU THINK THIS WAS A GOOD THING TO TELL ME!?!?
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ME: Did you get that onion that I told you to get when you went to the grocery store.
Him: Yes, it's in the onion drawer.
ME: Um...we have an onion drawer?
Him: Duh...the vegetable drawer in the refrigerator.
ME: *sigh* It goes in the basket until we cut it. *bigger sigh*
Him: What basket?
ME: The one in the pantry. You know, the one the cat sits in?
Him: We really don't like cat hair on our onion.
ME: You'll never notice. Just like everything else they get disguised in all the spices I cook with...
Him: How much cat hair do you think Ella has ingested at this point in her short life?
ME *GLARE*
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Him: *all proud* Guess what I found?
ME: *silent stare*
Him: Remember that Siente CD article you cut out of the magazine?
ME: HM. You mean that baby CD I bought for myself?
Him: Yeah! I finally found the magazine article you gave me.
ME: You mean, the CD I asked you to buy me for Christmas last year?
Him: Yep. I found it the article!
ME: You mean, the only thing I asked for for Christmas, didn't get, and ended up buying for myself?
Him: *Sigh* YES.
ME: I'm just sayin'...
Him: Well, if you didn't already have it, I would've bought it for our anniversary this year.
ME: *sigh*
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(There was another story here, but I did something I've never done in my blogging life. I self-edited. It's probably for the better...)
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