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I'm cleaning the bathroom at the bookstore this morning when I notice that I have this tuft of hair sticking up on the side of my head like a horn. No matter what I did, it still was sticking up. Luckily I have a bottle of hairspray under the sink. After I plaster this one piece of hair down (very *HOT* btw), I lean down to put the hairspray back, proceed to knock a lavender-scented reed diffuser glass vase off the counter, onto the floor, and in the meantime lean onto the counter which I had just sprayed with a BLEACH cleaner.

I'm wearing a navy sweater.



You get the point.

After a few seconds, a nice little bleach spot appeared over my left nipple (no kidding).

I could either try to convince people that Ralph Lauren had a weird pony placement mishap OR...
AHA! I could color it in with a blue dry eraser board marker.

It worked OK (in case you are wondering).

I should've known it was going to be this kind of day when I started at the grocery store this morning buying a bottle of wine. When the girl was loading my groceries into the trunk I said, "Oh, you better put the wine up front with me, ha, ha, ha." She said, "OH! OK!" I said, "Oh no, I was just kidding." Her response?

"Hey, whatever you need..." as she rolled the cart away.

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Dear CNN:

I am gravely disappointed with your recent choice of important, breaking news email alerts. In the past, I have been grateful for the email news alerts that you send me regarding important world happenings. Let's review what is and is not an important enough event to send me an email breaking news alert, shall we?

Terrorists attacking the U.S.? Worthy of an email breaking news alert
Cameron Diaz breaking her nose surfing? NOT worthy of an email breaking news alert

Respected journalist Ed Bradley passing away (especially when I didn't even know he had been sick. SORRY ED!)? Worthy of an email breaking news alert
Katie & Tom's wedding destination choice? NOT worthy of an email breaking news alert

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld stepping down? Worthy of an email breaking news alert
Britney dumping that blood sucking hump K-FED? NOT, NOT, NOT WORTHY OF AN EMAIL BREAKING NEWS ALERT!!!

If I were signed up to, let's say, THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER TRASH EMAIL NEWS ALERTS, then I would expect a Britney Spears breaking news alert. However, I'm signed up for CNN NEWS ALERTS where, on an ELECTION DAY, the one thing that you could send me an email breaking news alert about was a has-been child star and her leech?

Come on CNN, a little judgement please?