Please Dress Morally Sensible

Over the weekend, hubby and I went to a local charity cocktail event. Not wanting to spend hundreds of dollars on a maternity cocktail dress that I would wear ONCE during this time, I thought I was being smart by buying an oversized (read: fat girl) cocktail-ish dress for $14.99 at a consignment shop. It was black with silver thread through it (you know, so it looked all "sparkly"), 3/4 length, and had *gasp* this weird Mandarin collar. Now let me tell you something, I'm more of a floor-length, sexy sheath, cleavage kinda girl. You know, something more like THIS, and less like THIS. So, the dress I bought was TOTALLY not me. But hey, for less than $20 it could be me, right?

UH WRONG.


Fastforward to pre-party meltdown. I'll spare you the meltdown details and my poor husband near sobbing, "What should I do?!?!", but I will say this:
Mistake #1: Buying a dress that's not my "style" and that I would never, ever, under any circumstances other than being pregnant, normally wear.
(Know how to make a pregnant woman feel MORE unattractive than she already does? I do...)
Mistake #2: Not trying on the dress PRIOR TO 30 minutes before the event. Hm.

At the event, my friends tried to make me feel better (who, mind you, were wearing strapless gowns and cool halter cleavage dresses, respectively):
Overly Supportive Friend: "Well, it's CUTE. I mean, the MANDARIN COLLAR is CUUUUTE and TRENNNNNDY."
Me: "UH...Where? In ASIA, PERHAPS?!?!"
So much for accepting support.

Anyway, I lived through the frock-filled night WITHOUT alcohol while everyone else was getting smashed. There should be some prize for THAT alone...

At the event, they had instructors demonstrating and "coaching" on ballroom dancing. It was interesting, but the most interesting part of the night was AFTER the instructing and coaching. The instructors distributed flyers of their business and at the bottom of the flyer, the last bullet point for attending their classes was:

Please dress morally sensible - it is greatly appreciated.

Now, that's funny enough on its own; however, here was the picture on the flyer (yes, this is the ACTUAL picture from the flyer):

If you consider a guy with bare feet dirty-dance style grinding with a young girl in fishnets and crocodile slides "dressing morally sensible", then hey, who am I to judge? I mean, I was wearing an oversized, mandarin-collared frock that I wouldn't normally be caught dead in. I wasn't the epitomy of fashion police but I do believe I was (thank goodness!) dressed morally sensible. Only a chastity belt could've been more "Morally Sensible" than that stupid Mandarin dress. But, it might be a little late for the fashion accoutrement. (I'm just sayin'...)