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From: Dr.Mark Jones
Sent: Fri 10/19/07 2:10 PM
Reply-to: nelsonomo1960@yahoo.de
To:

Dear Winner,

How are you today? Hope all is well with you and your family? I hope this mail meets you in a perfect condition. I am using this opportunity to thank you for your great effort to our unfinished transfer of fund into your account due to one reason or the other best known to you.

But I want to inform you that I have successfully transferred the Cheque out of the company to someone else who was capable of assisting me in this great venture. Due to your effort, sincerity, courage and trust worthiness you showed at the course of the transaction I want to compensate you and show my gratitude to you with the sum of $500,000.00 (five hundred thousand United States Dollars) in addition to your lottery winnings of $2.5m now amounting to $3,000,000.00 (three million United States Dollars).

I have authorized the finance house where I deposited my money to issue you international certified bank draft cashable at your bank. My dear friend I will like you to contact the finance house for the collection of this international certified bank draft. The name and contact address of the Person with your Cheque Mr Nelson Omo is as follows;

COMPENSATION HEAD OFFICER CONTACT AGENT Mr Nelson Omo
EMAIL:
nelsonomo1960@yahoo.de
TELEPHONE: +234-802-836-4564

At the moment, I am very busy here because of the investment projects which myself and my new partner are having at hand. Finally, remember that I have forwarded instruction to the finance house on your behalf to send the bank draft to you as soon as you contact them without delay. Please I will like you to accept this token with good faith as this is from the bottom of my heart. Thanks and God bless you and your family. Hope to hear from you soon.

Best Regards,
DR. Mark Jones

______


From: Jackie Wilson
Sent: Sat 10/20/07 2:10 PM
To: Reply-to: nelsonomo1960@yahoo.de

Dear Dr. Jones:

Thank you for inquiring about our family. Currently I am suffering from 24-7 heartburn, bouts of major mood swings, and an uncontrollable bladder each time I sneeze, so I'm not quite sure that I would say I'm in "perfect condition", but thanks for asking. Being a doctor, perhaps you can recommend something for these pregnancy ailments?


Thank you also for recognizing my "effort, sincerity, courage and trust worthiness." It is so rare that others recognize my perfection. Thank you for that. It made me feel warm and tingly all over.
As you've been completely honest with me and seem like a law-abiding and upstanding human, I feel it is only right that I take this opportunity to inform you that you must have me confused with someone else. I have not exerted any effort (great or otherwise) to "our" transfer of funds into "my" account. I know this because:

1) I've never received an email from you (let alone corresponded), and
2) I barely have an "account", let alone one with millions of dollars in it.

I find it odd, albeit thrilling, that lack of effort on my part would net me a total amount of $3,000,000. I mean, THREE MILLION DOLLARS! This is WAY BETTER than collecting welfare, turning in soda cans for deposit money, scamming unemployment, or scratching those pesky lottery tickets with my thumbnail. You've proven that the American Dream of working hard to earn an honest living is just a bunch of baloney. BRAVO!

I was quite pleased to find out that you are involved in additional investment projects. I understand that a busy doctor such as yourself probably doesn't have time to spend all day reading and sending emails, but I was hoping you would have time to review my need for "investments". We currently rent our bookstore building and would love to buy it. If you could find it in the goodness of your God-fearing heart to provide us a no-strings-attached-grant for $500,000 (chump change to a wealthy investor such as yourself, I'm sure) then we could buy our building and proceed with the necessary updates to put a coffee shop upstairs. In addition, with your kindness, I would love to pay myself a $150,000/year salary (or any salary, for that matter), so if you could be so kind as to add that additional $150K to the current grant of $500K, that would be fantastic. I would also love to have a nanny for our forthcoming bundle of joy. I think $65K should more than cover that for a while. We would also like some extra cash to be able to help charities, friends, and family that need it. We calculated $250K to cover that. Surely a helpful, religious, and honest man such as yourself understands the need to help others? Lastly, I would love to take one last trip before the baby gets here. It doesn't have to be anywhere fancy. Renting a fully staffed, private island in the South Pacific for a month would be more than adequate. I believe $25K should provide us with that lifestyle for an entire month.

I know you said to accept the money as a "token" from the "bottom of your heart". Please don't be offended when we say that we really don't need $3 million dollars. It's just way too much. Instead, a token gift of $1 million given to us from the bottom of your heart would be more than enough. Please use the additional $2 million dollars you were going to give us to continue your crusade in helping out other, less-fortunate people than yourself. Your dedication to helping others is truly overwhelming. We could all learn a lesson from your selfless play book.


I would greatly appreciate if you contact my broker agency directly to discuss this opportunity to help a sista out.

Thank you again for giving us $1 million dollars simply out of the goodness of your heart.
We are planning a main street parade, complete with a high school marching band, flag girls, and toilet paper flower floats, on the day you come to personally present us with the gift.
We are currently speaking with the city about erecting a statue in your honor.
(Or maybe a bronze bust? We're not sure quite yet.)
Heck, at the very least, we will burn your image into a grilled cheese and sell it on EBay (proceeds will be entrusted to you and your honesty to be distributed to charity cases, of course).


Please be so kind as to send us a .jpg image of yourself at bitemyass@scammail.com so that we can get started on the grilled cheese thing ASAP (it might take us a few tries before we get it right).
Hugs and appreciation for your Blessings from God.
Your Dear Friend,
Jackie

PS-Just out of curiosity, what kind of "doctor" do you fancy yourself? I've seen some way cool places in the back of my MAD magazine where I, too, can become a doctor just by paying the $25 fee. How did this work out for you?

PPS- I find it odd that you left the "to" email address blank and instead used a blind CC for my email address. I mean, I thought we were BFFs?!? I hope this doesn't mean that I can't count on my $1 million dollar gift from you? If the $1 million dollars is not forthcoming, then the marching band and parade is DEFINITELY off. The grilled cheese will also be burned in effigy. Sorry (but I think you understand).

3 comments

Manda said... @ 1:52 AM

"help a sista" out!
HA! I almost peed my pants!
Respek, fellow dirty clothes digger. You're not alone out there.
p.s. Do not give your Dr. friend my email address FOR THE LOVE.

URBAN PEDESTRIAN said... @ 10:20 AM

Hee-larious. I hope you actually sent this email?? I think everyone should respond to each and every one of these and clutter up their inboxes.

J. Wilson said... @ 10:32 AM

Much to my husband's dismay, I actually did send this email.

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