Kind of Like Onstar, Only Not

Friday, October 16, 2009

It may seem like only six months ago that I was blogging about my previous laptop crash and bragging about my new sleek HP Pavilion notebook PC.

That's because it really was only six months ago.

I've been living in denial of my new computer problems for about three months now.
MONTHS.
THREE MONTHS.
(In case you can't do the math, that's half the time I've had my new computer.)

It started with a grinding fan. Then an overheating battery causing the system to shut down. Then just the system in general overheating and shutting down every 10 minutes (it will probably shut down twice while trying to blog this).

I wish that computers had one of those Onstar-type buttons that connected you directly to a tech person so you could immediately yell at them in the midst of your frustration.

Unfortunately, I haven't found the Onstar button, so I had to call the dreaded tech support.

The following is an actual conversation...

ME: Hi, I bought my computer system in April 2009 and it's been overheating and I want to take it back to Staples to have them work on it but they need HP's permission.
(Yes, I believe in getting all the info out in one breath.)

Tech: Hello, how are you?

ME: *moment of silence* Uh, I'm calling tech support...

Tech: Yes, let's see...do you have Wista?

ME: Pardon?


Tech: Wista? Windows Wista?

ME: AH...yes, I have Vista.

Tech: Can you hold please? My system is frozen.

...
..
.
Tech: Can you give me the serial number?

ME: 99999A as in AMERICA, 9, A as in AMERICA, 44 A as in AMERICA

Tech: Please hold, my system is still frozen.

...
..
.
Tech: Thank you for holding. Please connect to the Internet.

ME: Uh...I would love to, but my SYSTEM HAS OVERHEATED AND WON'T BOOT UP.

Tech: Your system won't boot to the desktop?

ME: *sigh* Not at the moment. No. IT. HAS. OVERHEATED.

Tech: Please hold...
...
..
.
Tech: OK, please take out the battery...

ME: It's already out. It hasn't been in for two months because it overheats...

Tech: Oh. Please hold.
...
..
.
Tech: How old is your system?

ME: *SIGH* I bought it in April...APRIL

Tech: Of this year?

ME: Yep. *maniacal laughter*

Tech: Oh. Please hold.
...
..
.
Tech: You are now authorized to take your system to Staples. Thank you.

And that, my friends, is how you get the same solution you asked for right out of the box 17 minutes and 29 seconds later. Yes, I timed it.

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