I Know Where Willy Went (17 Months Ago)

Last night In the wee hours of this morning, I was watching The Graham Norton Show.

(Yes, again.)

(Look, I can't help it. My body and baby just keep waking up at that time.)

(During the loosely edited naughty version of the show.)

Anyway, a pregnant Minnie Driver was on the show last night. Graham Norton took it upon himself to show her all of the reproduction books that are out there. The one he zeroed in on was a children's book called Where Willy Went.

A review from The School Library Journal:

Willy is not good at math but excels at swimming. He and his nemesis, Butch, practice every day for the Great Swimming Race. Finally, armed with goggles, a number, and two maps, he and 300 million other competitors swim madly for the prize–the egg inside Mrs. Browne. Willy is a sperm. All his practicing pays off and he victoriously burrows into the "lovely and soft" egg, which grows and grows in Mrs. Browne's tummy until it becomes a baby girl. But "Where had little Willy gone? Who knows?" However, when little Edna is old enough to start school, she isn't very good at math but she IS very good at swimming. This breezy and amusing romp may not resolve those pesky questions about reproduction but it certainly lends personality to the process of fertilization. The double-entendre title is indicative of the cheeky and humorous text, which is lively, well paced, and essentially accurate. The line and watercolor illustrations perfectly suit the irreverent tone and include a lift-the-flap expanded page and a "find Waldo"-style spread. Both sperm and humans are endearingly expressive. As to the science, an unclothed Mr. and Mrs. Browne are anatomically correct but the racing map of Mrs. Browne's reproductive system is confusingly vague. Nonetheless, adult readers will be thoroughly entertained and children will be charmed if not completely informed. While a relatively innocuous and engaging piece of sex ed, this title could be a potentially provocative addition to picture-book collections.–Carol Ann Wilson, formerly at Westfield Memorial Library, NJ

I heard part of the book (as read by Graham Norton). There are some issues with the book and this review. Namely?

1. From the review: "...breezy and amusing romp may not resolve those pesky questions about reproduction but it certainly lends personality to the process of fertilization."

"breezy and amusing romp" sounds like the review to softcore p*rn.

Or a Meg Ryan-Tom Hanks movie.

Also, is there something weird about saying "PESKY QUESTIONS" here?

2. From the review: "The line and watercolor illustrations perfectly suit the irreverent tone and include a lift-the-flap expanded page and a "find Waldo"-style spread."

OK, I have to admit, the "lift-the-flap expanded page" scares me a little (and also intrigues). What could possibly be under those flaps? AND WHY WOULD THEY NEED AN EXTENDED PAGE?!? (I'm a little afraid to find out. But I'm SO. ORDERING. THE BOOK.)(But I'm not asking for an autographed copy. I mean, you never know where those hands have been...)

(BTW... this might not be the most appropriate book for the review word SPREAD. I'm just sayin'...)

3. From the review: "Both sperm and humans are endearingly expressive."

Uh...LMAO! I can't wait to experience an "endearingly expressive" sperm.

4. SPOILER ALERT: The book ends with "Where had little Willy gone? Who knows?"

UH HUH!?! This HAS TO BE WRITTEN BY A MAN (to not give "them" a second thought after "they" are gone..)

Anyway, this is teaching reproduction to your child? OK, but there are SO MANY places Willy could've gone in this day and age (Helloooo, have you read the news about middle school buses?!?!) Maybe the author should rethink the ending and re-publish.

By the way, I'm pretty sure I can tell them where Willy went about 17 months ago...