MRMC (More Riveting Marital Conversations)

BEEP-BEEP-BEEP non-stop in the background

ME: So, I guess the new washer beeps non-stop when it's finished, huh?!?
Him: nonchalantly It'll stop. Eventually.
ME: Is that before or after I slit my own throat?
__________

Planning a "date" (for a change) & looking for a movie:


ME: Oh. We get to go on a date!
Him: What movies are showing?
ME: We can see nights in Rodanthe. It will be all romantic and squishy and...
Him: OOO! EAGLE EYE IS SHOWING!
ME: *sigh*

__________

In a phone conversation:


ME: *TOTAL PANIC* I don't know what to do! I've been reading all these things about how plastics used in baby bottles and toys and baby bowls in stuff is SO BAD.

ME: WHAT IF WE'RE MAKING ELLA GROW PREMATURE BREASTS?!?!

Todd: Calm down. We'll throw out the ones that we have and buy the safe ones.

ME: BUT WHICH ONES ARE THE 'SAFE ONES'?!? I MEAN...HER WHOLE LIFE IS COUNTING ON US. ON THESE DECISIONS. ONE WRONG DECISION AND WE COULD AFFECT HER ENTIRE LIFE. HER. ENTIRE. LIFE.

Todd: *sigh* Calm down...

ME: Seriously. You don't know what's in that crap we buy at the grocery store. Maybe we should only feed her what we grow...

ME: I mean...maybe we should just move to a farm and grow our own stuff.

ME: How much do you think a cow costs?!?!

Todd: *sigh*

__________


As my husband eyes my beautiful home office:


Him: Hm. This is a really nice office.
ME: Yeah. I know.
Him: No, I mean really, really nice.
ME: I. KNOW.
Him: It looks very masculine. Kinda like a MAN might enjoy it more...
Him: *looks around longingly*
ME: Hey slick? Next time you're trying to get me to change offices, you might want to be a little more subtle...


*momentary silence*

Him: I bet a mom would enjoy being in the upstairs office more. You know, next to her baby's room.
ME: Not this mom...

__________


Via phone conversation (yes, I DO answer on occasion):


Him: We're going to the grocery store, do you need anything?
ME: What is my child wearing?
Him: The bunny outfit...
ME: WITH THE EARS?!?! YOU TOOK HER OUT IN BUNNY EARS?!?!
Him: *sigh* No...the outfit with the bunnies ON IT.
Me: OH.
Me: Heh Heh.
Me: Sorry.
Him: And she has a pink headband over her swoopy hair.
ME: You didn't make her look like Olivia Newton-John again, did you?!??!
Him: *Sigh*

__________

Driving to the cider mill:


ME: Did you see those pumpkins sitting by the road with prices on them? Aren't you amazed that no one has stolen them yet.
Him: Did you hear about the guy who had the big pumpkin stolen from his front yard and now wants to prosecute 'the hoodlums'?
ME: Did you know that BIG pumpkins can gain at least 40 pounds per day?
ME: Don't you find that REALLY AMAZING?!?
Him: What I find more amazing is the fact that you would know something like that...