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Dear Parents of Teenage Hellions:

Please teach your teenagers some telephone manners (and just manners in general) so that I do not have to be demeaned by some pimply-faced annoying walking hormone when I call your home to let you know that your book that you ordered has arrived (just as you requested that I do).

Please let your teenagers know that when I say, "May I speak to Colleen?" the appropriate answer is NOT, "TOO BAD!" followed by a hang-up click.

Please also let your teenagers know that when I immediately call back and say, "This is a business calling for Colleen. I would like to speak to her please," the appropriate responses do not include:
-"Oh, I thought you were someone else before," nor
-"Uh, I don't have a pen to take a message. And, I don't have a piece of paper."

HEY, SINGLE BRAIN CELL: Pick up the sharpie you were sniffing and scrawl the message on your arm next to those self-loathing hash marks you've carved in there.

I mean, SERIOUSLY. PLEASE become a contributing member of society. ANY SOCIETY.

Parents, if you cannot teach your teenagers manners and/or they won't learn manners, might I suggest a dark, dank basement/cellar pit a la Silence of the Lambs to save the rest of us from exposure (and yourself some sanity)?

(It rubs the lotion on it's skin...)