Wednesday, May 12, 2010


(Subtitled: Why you should teach your toddler rap.)

Last night we were having a family dinner when my nephew asked, "Do you guys know the Big Mac song?"

All three adults immediately (and simultaneously) launched into the two-all-beef-patties-special-sauce-lettuce-cheese-pickles-onions-on-a-sesame-seed-bun song.

Unimpressed, my nephew said flatly, "That's not it."

After several minutes of (unsuccessful) generational arguing, we gave it to Google.


And? Sure enough. The Big Mac song.


OK. I might be a little out of the loop since this video was posted in 2006, but now I can't get the song out of my head.






I was singing it in the bathroom this morning as my husband and I got ready.
(I know. Lucky guy.)
(AND, I can rap like nobody's business.)

Me: "I want a double cheeseburger, hold the lettuce..."
Me: Heeeeeey, did you notice that this song really isn't about Big Macs?!?
Him: That's not the problem. First of all, there's no lettuce on a double cheeseburger, AND there are CERTAINLY no seeds on the bun.
Me: That's why he says, "...no seeds on the bun."
Him: *SIGH* Why would you need to state the obvious?!?
Me: Uh...It's about the FLOW.
Me: *sigh*
Me: You know NOTHING about rap...

Then I did what any responsible parent would do...I taught the first part to my two year old.

"I need a double cheeseburger, hold the lettuce..."

After she sang it a couple of times she said, "I go school. I tell Miss Jody, 'I need a double cheeseburger, hold the lettuce.'"

I then get "the look" from my husband. "Great. We're going to have THAT kid."
To which I replied?
"We already do."

It's going to be a great day in the Wilson household.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

A few weeks ago, I had my very first parent-teacher conference for my daughter.

She's two.

She goes to school two days a week.

Anyway.

One of the things the teacher said was that "Ella serenades them all at naptime with one or two songs before going to sleep.”

This wasn’t especially surprising because 1) she comes from a long line of musicians (his side, not mine), and 2) she sings and/or plays “instruments” ALL.DAY.LONG. at home.

However, it did send me into fits of giggles in the car wondering exactly what E sings to the classroom each time.

Right now, she’s really into singing Pink’s “So what? I’m still a rock star. I’ve got my rock moves…” (except the Chippettes version, of course).

Was this her naptime lullaby, or did she choose one of the others in her two-year-old repertoire?

As with any child, E has her own…well…adaptation of songs.

As I’ve mentioned before, one of her favorites is Beyonce’s “All the Single Babies” (known as “All the Single Ladies” to most of you) complete with video-like hand motions. (She hasn’t seen the video, but I might’ve shown her a move or two…)



However, the one that really made me snort thinking of her singing it to the class is a preschool Bible song called, “Rise and Shine.”

The song starts like this, “Rise and shine and give God the glory, glory.”

However, E sings, “Rise and shine and give God the Brobee, Brobee.”

(In case you didn’t know, Brobee is character from Yo Gabba Gabba.)

And these, my friends, make up the songs my daughter is singing to her preschool class.

And now I’m wondering exactly what kind of “conferencing” the teachers are doing about E’s parents?

And then I think, "So what? We're still rock stars. At least we've got our rock moves..."

I have a secret.
Sometimes I listen to Canadian talk radio.

*gasp*

Look, I (heart) me some NPR just like everyone else, but lately I've felt like I listened to the SAME NPR story every morning (just change the names). (Sometimes it's the same story with even the same names.)

Something had to be done (at least for my entertainment sanity). So I looked to our friends to the North. (In my case, it's a little more East, but whatever. Semantics.)

Anyway...

CBC radio has a show called the Q with Jian Ghomeshi. (You can follow him on Twitter, but FYI he won't follow you back. Even so, he has some good Tweets.) I find the show really fresh and funny with an interesting mix of culture, art, music, book and entertainment news. For example, in the past couple of weeks I've heard interviews with Sonic Youth, the guy who created the game Tetris (one of the greatest games EVER), and David Sedaris. Today was an interview with an artist I've been listening to for a couple of years -- Madeline Peyroux -- and I got to hear her play from her new album. Tomorrow Jian's talking to Bill Cosby.

I mean, could you get more random than Sonic Youth and then Bill Cosby?!?

So there's never a dull moment. It always seems like something uber-interesting happens on the show. Take the Dave Matthews interview, for example.

A couple of weeks ago they had an interview with music man Dave Matthews talking about his new album Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King. During the interview, Dave Matthews goes off on this wacky tale tangent about how he and his daughter scared a mango-eating monkey. It was funny to listen to Jian. It was one of those, "Do I stop this and move on, or let him go on to tell the funky story?" uncomfortable moments.




My first thought was, "Sure, you scared a monkey, but do you have a monkey lamp?!?"

EX-ACT-LY.

No go on, listen to some Q.

Quick, name a John Denver song!

For MOST OF YOU, you either:
A. Could only name that Country Roads/West Virginia song after you hummed part of it, or
B. Have no idea who I'm talking about.

Until a couple of weeks ago, I hadn't thought about John Denver in probably, OH, 20 years when I used to (sadly) hang out with someone who has an unhealthy fixation on him. This friend recently found me and we hooked up on Facebook.

And he still loves John Denver. (But that's another post).
However, he joined a Facebook group about John Denver.

WHAT?!?! There are ENTIRE GROUPS about John Denver in 2009?!?! WHAT?!?!

So I did a little research. Shockingly there are 336 Facebook Groups formed on John Denver.
That's THREE HUNDRED GROUPS (thousands of people - THOUSANDS) who want to talk about John Denver.

One group alone called I Love John Denver, and I'm Not Ashamed to Admit It has 1,187 members.
THAT'S THOUSAND.
(Really, people, I couldn't make this stuff up).

Here's the description:
This is a group for all of you hopeless romantics like me, who believe, despite all the criticism and cynicism of others, that JD wrote some pretty nifty songs and could sing like nobody's business. Travel down "Country Roads" with me, as I celebrate the "Sunshine on My Shoulders" and feel "Rocky Mountain High"!

I think that the group should be closed down on poor writing skills - just for using NIFTY alone - but that's just me.

I digress...

So anyway, there are some pretty interesting group titles. For example, you have to give credit to the 147-member strong I love John Denver But I'm Not Sure Why group. Admitting it is the first step.

There's also the When I drink I listen to John Denver on Vinyl group. There are 33 members there who obviously aren't willing to take ANY steps yet.

I have no earthly idea what this group is about, but apparently only 9 members wanted to find out:
Facciamo crescere i capelli a Fossa per farlo assomigliare a John Denver

Shockingly, some John Denver groups are pretty bitter (which I think is WEIRD for, you know, followers of a FOLK SINGER. What happened to PEACE? LOVE? And all that other crap?).

There's one group called John Denver could kick the ninja cowboy crap out of Chuck Norris. What is it EXACTLY that these 28 members spend their time on? Frankly, I'm a little afraid to find out.

There's a That John Denver is full of SH*T, man group. I'm not sure if this files under JD lover or JD hater? But there are 20 members that are willing to talk about how full of it he is.

Here's a group that CLEARLY is in the hater category: If John Denver wasn't dead, I would punch him in the mouth (17 violent members who are happy to announce it).

Another in your face group is the John F------ Denver Fan Club. These 29 members might be too angry to have a John Denver fan club. They should probably check with the corporate headquarters (or one of these other groups should probably turn them in). I'm POSITIVE there are qualifications for being a JD fan. Anger isn't one of them. (Try the Nine Inch Nails Group. You might fit in well there).

My personal favorite was the If You Don't Like John Denver You Can Suck It group. Not what you would expect from the seemingly-peace loving followers of a folk artist, but hey, it also sounds like a group I would join. (If it weren't for the fact that you have to spend time, er, talking about JOHN DENVER).

I would love to tell you more, but frankly I lost interest after scrolling through a couple of pages. And? I had other things to do, like clean kitty litter and stuff.

However, all of this research does beg ONE BIG QUESTION:
Why do John Denver fans have so much time on their hands?

Hm.
You draw your own conclusions.

It's amazing how righteous you can be BP (Before Parenting). My list of "I WOULD NEVER LET MY CHILD..." was so LOOOONG. For example, one of the top list sitters for me BP was "I don't get letting your child watch TV at a young age."

Hm.

Of course, that judgement was BEFORE I had work-at-home contracts, 3 businesses, no sleep, AND a baby to juggle. Sadly, TV does play a part at our house now. And, that's OK. I think there's some pretty educational television on and that's what we watch (or at least that's what I tell myself to avoid feeling like I'm failing miserably at yet one more thing in my life right now). However, I began to wonder about my TV judgement when Ella rolled her walker over to the television, turned it on and started watching The Starter Wife. Maybe it's gone a little too far...

Anyway, I uh she loves Jack's Big Music Show. AND, I STILL love Sesame Street (even more a few years ago when REM was their musical guest). I was recently introduced to an, um, interesting show called Yo Gabba Gabba. It was all fun and games until somebody put a Biz Markie out. If you're a fan of the late 80s/early 90s, you'll probably remember Biz Markie for the Just a Friend song/video.



Now? Biz Markie is beatin' it up on Yo Gabba Gabba. I wasn't sure if I should be sad or excited for him.

Speaking of where the 90s go to die, I'm pretty sure I know what happened to Arsenio Hall. I think I also saw him on Yo Gabba Gabba as the host:

• Rascal Flats spends WAY TOO MUCH MONEY on hair products.
• Daughtry's wife's non-pregnancy boobs put my ample pregnancy boobs to shame.
• Carrie Underwood has turned into a total classy babe.
• Black skater girl shoes still don't go with a silver sequined skirt *cough*Avril Lavigne*cough*
• Maroon 5? Most. Boring. Stage Presence. EVER.
• Janet Jackson and Ashanti may be the same person.
• I still have no idea who the Jonas Brothers are (and, seriously, WHY?!?).
• No way Rhianna was wearing underwear under that bootilicious dress.
• Beyonce should NOT stand next to the 98 pound chick from Sugarland while performing in jeans. (And, HELLLOOO? Chick from Sugarland? Camel Toe? NEVER ATTRACTIVE).
• Taye Diggs' scholarly look? H.O.T.

And the final thing I learned from the American Music Awards?

I still get bored enough to change it halfway through and start watching a movie I've seen a million times.

If you don't know Amy Winehouse yet, run (DON'T WALK) right out to get her new CD (thanks to our 'Dinger friend for this turn on). She has a unique and funky R&Bish sound that could only come from a wacky Brit.

All I have to say is who the heck are Ray, Mr. Hathaway, and Mr. Jones?!?! Hm.

...or is it bizarre to hear my almost 65-year-old dad say this when I phoned the other day:

"No, I wasn't busy. I was just downloading some music."

So I put REM in the music rotation at the store. All fine and good until Michael Stipe screamed "*insert profanity* OFF" in one of his songs while a grandmother and her two grandsons were in here. I had been singing in my head (almost like talking to the voices in my head except to music) and realized it about 1 millisecond before he said it. That 1 millisecond was in slow motion for about 4 days.

I guess you should expect this kind of day when you start off stepping in cat vomit at 7 a.m.