Saturday, January 30, 2010

I have a little secret:

I'm not really interested in potty training our toddler.

If I were a better mom, I would've taken hold of the poopy reigns when she showed an interest two months ago at school. The teachers were telling me things like, "Ella asked to poop on the potty and then she did it!"

Even worse, they were writing things on her daily progress report like "Sat on potty three times!"

Instead, I was just *secretly* hoping that they would take care of it at school and she would *magically* come home one day and be potty trained.

When that didn't happen, we I decided it was time.

Now, one week before her second birthday --the same week we transitioned her to a "big girl" bed and the same week we took away most of her bottle privileges -- it's time to poop on the big potty!

(Because, hey, why not take away all comfort items and force milestones all at once?!? Tomorrow I'm making her get a job...).

Of course, I did some research and settled on the "Three Day" potty training method (for obvious reasons, er, see above), with some modifications (because the entire world is better with Jackie modifications).

We sat on the potty at least 3.4 million times today, with no results.

None.
Nada.
Zilch.
The big loser ZERO.

She went once in her pull-ups, hid in the corner once and peed in her pants and then peed in the kitchen chair.

This is the same girl that has to go around the house flushing all the toilets 3,762 times per day.

So after being tucked away in bed tonight (where she's sure to poop in the diaper we put on her any minute now), hubby says, "Maybe it's too early?"

To which I replied?
"On the contrary. I think it's too late."

Oh well, maybe she'll show an interest again when she starts dating...

Friday, October 23, 2009

For a little while, Ella (now 20 months) has shown interest in the big potty. She's curious to watch me "tinkle" (TMI?). She thinks it's hysterical to unroll the toilet paper. She's really interested in the flushing of the toilet.

Of which she's just learned to do.

(Fantastic.)

When I picked her up from "school" (pre-preschool) on Wednesday she was wearing her back up pants.

Uh. Oh.

On the way out, I was reading her daily report and they informed me that three different times Ella went (by herself) to sit on the potty. Lucky for me I had just that very day purchased a board book about potty training.

(Coincidence? I think not...)

So that evening, right before bed, we sat down to read the potty book. Except something wasn't right. Every time the word potty was in the book, it came out of my mouth party, which made the story go something like this:

Learning to party can be hard, but it can also be fun.
You can party like the big kids when the learning time is done.

Just watch as I teach you with your dolly Sue.
She sits on the party and you can sit there, too!

When your dolly has partied she flushes the water away.
Now she is happy and ready to go outside to play!

Going party can be fun. Learn and you will see.
Once you know how to do it, it is as easy as can be.

So practice sitting on your party a little every day.
And when you learn to use it, we will cheer a big "Hooray!"

I can't imagine why (at the end of the book) the only page Ella showed interest in was the one with the balloons on it.

I mean, what's a potty without balloons?!?

So I was watching The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch (shut up) a couple of nights ago. One of the "big money making ideas" was a guy who came up with something called Toilet Tunes (I s- you not. heh heh). Be sure to watch the "commercial" because it's hysterically funny.





I can't believe that they did an entire segment on this with a straight face. I guess when you're making millions covering other people's butt music it's easy to do.

BTW- I LOVE that there's a 6 unit limit on your order and that you can get a free spa pillow. WHAT?!?!

*sigh*

(I'm starting to see a poop-related theme on this site...)

butt (heh heh), I just wasn't sure WHY someone would want to spend time creating THIS.

There's a Q&A section on the site where the person answering the questions signs it as "PooNurse: Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition. "

There's even a POOtique where you can buy stuff. I was afraid to look and see what they were selling there...

(Don't ask why I was searching on the topic. Just refer back to this post.)

We're a dog-friendly bookstore here. As a matter of fact, we put out a dog bowl of water everyday and I keep dog treats under the counter. It's just how we are (yes, this IS a cool bookstore, we know...).

The temperature has been in the 90s here. I get a call and a customer asks, "If we come to the store and bring our dog, do you mind if we bring him in the store?" I answered, "No, of course not. We're dog friendly here" (plus I would cringe at someone bringing their dog then leaving it in the car with the windows rolled up in this heat). Now, I made two very important, seemingly innocent assumptions:

1. That the dog was potty trained.
2. That the dog's "parents" were semi-intelligent human beings.

So...
They bring a homely little dog in here, but hey, I don't discriminate, so I gave the animal as much attention as I give others. The dog runs around the store as the owners look at books. The next thing I know, the male owner is yelling the dog's name and the female owner is dragging him out the door. Before the male owner could get out the full sentence of "Do you have any paper towels?" I already knew. I couldn't see, but I could smell why he needed paper towels. The foul odor penetrated our store and rested upon every surface (including my tongue) in just a matter of seconds.

And, let me tell you, this wasn't just any usual dog bowel movement (I have dogs, I consider myself well versed in the subject) -- this was a big pile/puddle of runny dog poop creating a growing 6-inch diameter on my carpet. I watched in awe/disbelief/revulsion as the male dog owner scrubbed this runny mess into my carpet while I was trying not to gag from the smell.

After all was said and done, the male owner looks at me and says,
"Huh. That's weird. He does this ALL THE TIME at home, too."