12 Steps for a Lighting Snob

My name is Jackie and I'm a lighting snob.

Look, I don't know when it began or even how it began. It just began.
All I know is that every house we move to I have to remove and add my own lighting.
Immediately.
If not sooner.
(And, by saying I have to remove them, I of course mean Cabana Boy).

Sometimes it involves small lights. It can even be nightlights. Sometimes it involves lamps - both interesting and quirky like this artsy bug lamp that we found at a trendy art deco store outside of DC.


I also seem to have some weird affinity for dangling things.
And fringe.
(Hey, I didn't say I was a TASTEFUL lighting snob, I just said lighting snob).

Sometimes the lights are weird.
I will never ever give up my aptly named (by me) OO-OO-MONKEY LAMP no matter what. NEVER. Don't even ask (and better yet? Don't even ask why especially since I make everyone that refers to it say OO-OO-MONKEY LAMP!).


(Images in picture are smaller than they appear)

But mostly they're the lights that you have to remove from your ceiling.
And involve some level of the possibility of electrocution.

Take my beloved Moravian Star lights for example. I have four of them lining my hall. Whenever we move, I make my husband take them down and put up some gaudy $7.99 flush lighting (yep, that's me) before we put the house on the market. (So if you're the next person to someday buy this house, consider yourself warned).


They look beautiful right?
Yeah, they were when we first put them up (the first time).
Now? THEY SUCK.
Only because? THERE IS NO GOOD WAY TO CLEAN THEM.

You get the outside all nice and sparkly, but the dust and grime inside? You're outta luck. The star points are impossible to get your hand inside. A feather duster doesn't get it clean enough.

Why do you care you ask?
You don't OF COURSE (unless, of course, you are coming to my house and you have to stare at them).
But I'm writing because I'm hoping (BEGGING) that someone else either has these lights or has an idea how to clean them.

Anyone?

ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER?!?
(help)

Look, it's not just about a 12-step program for my lighting addiction. I seriously need to know how to clean these...
(Martha?)

(Where the hell is Moravia anyway?!?)

(Are there any Moravian people out there that can assist?)

(*sigh* I give up...)