Sunday, May 9, 2010

As many of you know, I am an older *cough*41*cough* mother of a two year old. By the time that you get to this age, there are many things that you've forgotten about the simplicity of life. It doesn't take long around a toddler to be reminded of those things, and then start appreciating again.

As a mother, I feel like I've learned a lot. Don't get me wrong, I learn a great deal from the older girls, but the toddler serves as a daily reminder to just...relax.


10 Things I've Learned from My Toddler

1. Wake up early. Have you ever noticed how toddlers wake up with the sunrise, most often bounding out of bed with a smile and an immediate purpose? Yeah. Be that way more.

2. Eat only when you're hungry and until you're full. Watch a toddler closely at lunch or dinner. When you can get them to eat, they eat exactly what they want, until they are full, and then they stop. Think how much better our diets would be if we lived by that same principal.

3. Don't be afraid to show emotion. If you're mad, be mad. If you're happy, be happy. E is really into telling me her emotion right now. One day I thought, "Wouldn't it be much easier on relationships if you could just say, 'I sad.' like a two year old?"

4. Hug hard. Hug often. Doesn't it make you feel fantastic how a little person will run at full speed just to fling themselves into your arms and hug you tight? Just think how great your other loved ones would feel if you showed that same intensity.

5. Leave your toys out. I think many of us (especially moms) are so set on making sure that everything looks perfect that we miss out on some key times. If leaving the dishes in the sink overnight means time outside on a summer evening with the family then there's no contest.

6. Don't spend time with people you don't like. Have you ever noticed how a toddler will not only refuse to spend time with someone they don't like, but they'll also tell you? Well, you don't have to go that far, but do realize your time is precious. Don't waste it with people you don't care about (and vice versa).

7. Use "NO!" like you mean it. If you don't want to do something (or can't), just say no. And then mean it.

8. Idolize someone. Toddlers look up to people who are important to them because they are caring and they, in general, teach them something. Who do you idolize?

9. Eat with your hands. As adults, we're so afraid of getting dirty...why? Eat with your hands. Run in the rain. Jump in a pile of leaves. You'll be amazed how liberating these things can be for you.

10. Sing. Often. If there's one thing that I will always remember about my toddler, it's that she sings ALL.THE.TIME. It doesn't matter if we're in the supermarket, walking into church or she is in the classroom at school. You know how much hearing someone sing makes you smile?

Friday, March 19, 2010

If you haven't noticed lately, there are a great deal of moms who work at home, but are also the primary caretaker of their children. You know, the WAHPCTSAHM (Work at Home, Primary Caretaker, Stay at Home Mom).

We stay at home. We work from home. We take care of our kids.

They're easy to spot, they have their Blackberry in one hand and their baby in the other.

They're probably not the ones wearing Christian Louboutin shoes (anymore), and they may be in dire need of an updated hair highlight.

They may have a tall coffee stashed somewhere, but probably aren't sitting next to a friend in a coffee shop enjoying it.

You'll have a confusing conversation with them like this:

You: Do you work?
WAHPCTSAHM: Yes.
You: Do you have kids?
WAHPCTSAHM: Yes.
You: Oh, where do they attend daycare?
WAHPCTSAHM: They don't. They're with me all day.
You: *confused look*

And believe me, from all of us WAHPCTSAHMs: WE GET YOUR CONFUSION.

We live it every day when trying to explain it to our friends, family, and sometimes even our husbands.

It's hard for others to understand that when we steal a few moments away in our home office during the day or at nap time, it's generally not to shop Bloomingdales.

If we post a funny comment on Facebook, it doesn't mean we're not working. Instead, it probably means we popped over to social network about business, saw something unrelated and commented on it while we were there.

Want to understand more about your WAHPCTSAHM?

1. Don't be offended by our incessant Blackberry checking.
When I check my Blackberry during a baby gym class or while I'm at your house, it's probably because I'm waiting for a comment from my editor that needs to be clarified quickly or some other work-related issue. I have my Blackberry so I can work AND ensure that my toddler is able to participate in activities during the day.

2. Social networking isn't just 'social' for us.
When we're blogging or on Facebook, Twitter or any other social networking site at 3 a.m., it probably isn't to play Farmville. Yes, we may chat about mundane things with others on them. However, our ultimate goal is one thing: to network with others in our business-related area. Which leads me to...

3. If we're blocking you on IM, it doesn't mean we aren't friends.
I use my instant messenger for two things: email alerts and to talk to someone while we're doing business together. Other than that? My IM is 'Off' to (most) others.

4. No, we cannot have drinks, go to a movie, enjoy dinner, attend a Pampered Chef party [or any other socially-related event] with you at night or on the weekend.
For many WAHPCTSAHMs, our 'work day' begins at night or on the weekend after the kids go to bed or our spouse can take the next shift. This means that we will almost always say no to your social event. (Unless you're hosting a party with Colin Farrell. Then I'm SO THERE). But don't be offended. It's us, not you.

5. If we seem distracted during gossip time, we probably are.
We may be at little Jimmy's soccer practice in body, but maybe not in mind. Our brains are running at warp* speed and we're probably constructing an RFP in our head during the mom sideline gathering.

6. We usually can't do play dates at the last minute.
WAHPCTSAHM plan their days (and nights) around their work and child's activity schedule. If we say no to a last minute play date addition, it's probably because we're working.

7. Don't go away mad, just go away.
When we're done at our children's activity, WE'RE DONE. We're probably the first ones to rush out the door (or maybe even rush you out). Don't be offended. We probably have a deadline or want to squeeze in lunch before work...or maybe even a bathroom break.

8. Yes, our house is always a mess.
No, you can't come over.

9. No, we aren't better than you. We're just different.
Look, WAHPCTSAHMs aren't superwomen. There are days we cry. There are days we wonder what the heck we're doing. Yes, there are even days we fantasize about a 'real office' job. However, we chose to make sacrifices in order to raise our child ourselves AND be able to work. Which leads me to...

10. No, we don't like looking like this.
Let's be honest, when you're taking care of a toddler during the day and working at nights and on weekends into the wee hours, something will give. It may be the WAHPCTSAHM's appearance (see shoes and highlights comment above). No, I don't like not getting regular highlights, being 'ponytail girl' all the time, not having trendy clothes or being too exhausted to work out. But that's the way it is...for now. I see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it's called preschool.


You might also like: But, I don't want to share my chocolate chip cookie.

(*I first typed "warped." Coincidence? I think not...)

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Motherhood is a weird thing.

It is, by far, my best 'accomplishment' in life. However, it is also the hardest thing I've ever done.

I've alluded to it before--that strange, secret code of motherhood perfection that prohibits us from really talking about what is going on with us, our kids and our life since Us + Kids = Someone Else's Life

Well, I'm going to break that code, and I'm just going to say it right up front:

I don't like sharing my chocolate chip cookies with my toddler.

And while we're at it? I don't like

...giving up my television shows for the same episode of Elmo OVER&OVER&OVER again, or

...sticky fingers inside my Diet Coke glass to fish out pieces of ice, or

...listening to the same children's CD EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. in the car, or

...not having a good night's rest in two years because my 'mom ear' is in the permanent ON position, or

...meltdowns at grocery stores, or

...hearing "MINE!" 4,372 times per day (even when it doesn't apply).

There's more, but you get the point.

Does this mean that I don't cherish motherhood as the amazing blessing that is? Of course I cherish it. Heck, I even enjoy it.

Does it mean that I'm human? I'm guessing so, and here's how I know:

You email me to tell me that you agree.

You don't post it on my blog in the public comments (lest someone see what a 'horrible' mom you are), and you certainly don't say it to my face.
But you do use that lovely anonymity of the Internet as a shield.
And that's OK with me. I'll take a hit for the team because there are those who 'unsubscribe' whenever I do a post like this, and those of you who 'whisper' at groups and play dates.

But you're not fooling anyone.


In a recent post, I revealed how I secretly wished the school would just handle potty training so I wouldn't have to do it. A potty training expert commented, "I read potty training stuff for a living and this might be the most awesomely honest thing I've ever read. Good for you."

If this blog is nothing else, it's honest.

So, I know you're out there.
And I know you don't like sharing your chocolate chip cookies, either.
Even if you don't want to admit it.