Ella's new "school" starts next week. We made a trip there yesterday to complete some paperwork that we owe them.

I've been trying to prep Ella for the schedule change by saying "school" every chance I get. She has no idea what I'm talking about.

She's 19 months old.

So on the trip to the school yesterday, I say, "We're almost to school!" (in an upbeat, excited way). Ella's response? "YAAAAAY!"

I look at Todd and say, "She has no idea what I'm talking about. Check this out..."

ME: We're almost to the riots!
Ella: YAAAAAAY!
ME: We're almost to the guillotines!
Ella: YAAAAAAY!
ME: We're almost to the noose-rope hangings!
Ella: YAAAAAAY!
ME: We're almost to the viral outbreaks!
Ella: YAAAAAAY!
Todd: Ooooh, let me try!
Todd: We're almost to Chlamydia!
Ella: YAAAAAAY!
Me: *glares at Todd* Now you've taken it a little too far...


Disclaimer: This author, her husband, 19 month old daughter, two other daughters, mother, cousin, doctor, veterinarian and psychic friends do not promote venereal disease. Especially chlamydia. We certainly don't condone execution devices like the guillotine or hangings. Unless it's on Barney (the dinosaur, not the store). And maybe those disrespectful working teens who say "YEP!" instead of "You're Welcome."

MORE RIVETING MARITAL CONVERSATIONS

Him: *rummaging in the pantry*
Him: *rummaging in the pantry*
Him: *rummaging in the pantry*
Him: You know what we're out of...?
ME: Patience?
_____

Him: I think Ella's having a hard time sleeping because she needs more room...
ME: Then perhaps she should buy her own apartment.
_____
via text messages

ME: Hey, did you know McD's has free Mocha Mondays?
Him: Yeah. You should get one while you're out.
ME: Oh. Huh. I forgot it was Monday.
ME: However, the 20 minute line for the drive-thru now makes total sense...

_____

While driving through a random neighborhood

ME: *pointing to a house with a nice patio table & chairs in the front door area* Why would you have a fantastic back yard and put your patio set in the front?
Him: Uh...maybe they like interacting with their neighbors?
ME: Why?
Him: Some people like that...
ME: WHY?!?
______

TV Announcement: Next survivor? Samoa

Him: Well, that's it. I can't do it.
ME: Hm?
Him: I couldn't be on survivor Samoa. All that black sand would be too hard on my feet.
ME: Uh...HUH?!?!
Him: I have very sensitive feet...
ME: *mutes TV* Ok, let me get this straight. The ONLY REASON that you couldn't compete on the next Survivor is because your feet are too sensitive?!?
Him: Uh huh.
ME: Uh...OK.
_____

While looking at Ella's mullet hair...

Him: You know what Daddy needs to get you, honey?
Him: Rubs the baby's hair
Him: Daddy needs to get you a Bumpit for your hair. *smiles at me*
ME: blink-blink-blink
Him: What?
ME: I'm just slightly terrified that you know what a Bumpit is...

It's true. If you have a really warped sense of humor you can't just turn it off. Not for any reason, in any situation.

As you may know, we had to have my dog Indy put to sleep earlier this week. It's been awful. We left him at the vet's office to be cremated. The following is a conversation that took place between my husband and me yesterday:

ME: We got something in the mail from the Vet's office. It looks like a card. I couldn't open it...
Him: Hm...what do you think it is?
ME: *blink*blink*blink*
ME: Welllllllll...my best guess is that it's a sympathy card. However, I guess that they could be sending us Indy.
Him: *silence*
Him: *look of disbelief*
Him: *more silence*
Him: You know, that's not even funny...
ME: I know...

Don't worry. I cried later.
See?
There is a little piece of heart inside this black hole somewhere.

Thanks for tuning in today to yet another edition of More Riveting Marital Conversations:


ME: You know Ming Ming on Wonder Pets?
Him: Yes.
ME: Do you think Ming Ming's a boy or a girl?
Him: *with certainty* She's a girl.
ME: *silence*
ME: Um, how do you know?
Him: Because when they were on the episode with the grass skirts she's the only one that had on a coconut bra.
ME: *blink*blink*blink*

__________

ME: You know, I can already tell Ella and I are going to have little personal jokes that no one else gets when she grows up.
Him: Why do you think that?
ME: Well, we already do it. Something will happen and we will look at each other at the same time and start laughing.
Him: *silence*
Him: *paranoia* I'm going to be the butt of all the jokes, aren't I?
ME: *blink*blink*blink*
ME: Whatttteeeever would make you think that?

__________


Him: Why do you have an overexposed Xray-type picture of a leaf on your desktop?
ME: Because I like it.
Him: *silence*
Him: I have a picture of the three girls on mine. You have a picture of a leaf.
Him: Think about it...

_________

Him: What are you working on?
ME: I'm trying to make the bookstore website do something.
Him: *peering over my shoulder*
Him: Can't you just write a code to make it do that magically. *waves hand*
ME: *sigh*
ME: NO TODD. I CAN'T JUST WRITE A CODE TO MAKE THAT MAGICALLY HAPPEN.
Him: Oh. Too bad
__________


ME: Ella's poopy again
Him: AHHHH COME ON. I just changed the last one.
ME: SO?
Him: *glare*
ME: Rock-Paper-Scissors you for it?
Him: Sure. One-two-three...
ME: DAMN IT!

_________

ME: Did you get a lottery ticket?
Him: Yes.
ME: Great. I'm going upstairs to nap. When I awaken, I expect to be independently wealthy.
Him: Yes, your highness.

You know you've missed them. I've had some of you tell me they're your favorite thing on this blog. By now, you are probably giddy with anticipation! Fear no more! More Riveting Marital Conversations (MRMCs) Are BACK (and better than ever!). (OK...maybe not BETTER, but back at least.)

MRMC #1
As we watch a bug-infested house on a Flip This House episode:
Todd: OOO! Let's turn it on the HD channel.
ME: Yes, because we definitely need to experience cockroach crap in high-def.
Todd: EXACTLY!

MRMC #2
On a cell phone conversation to Todd
ME: So anyway, the guy says...
Drop call. Todd calls back.
ME: SO ANYWAY. What I was saying...
Drop call. Todd calls back.
Todd: Where are you? Why do you keep dropping calls?
ME: Look. I could negotiate NATO agreements with the cell service I have right now. It's obviously you.
Todd *sigh*

MRMC #3
Todd: You know. It's really stupid this whole Paczki Day thing. I mean, it is SO NOT pronounced Pooonch-key. Look how it's spelled!
ME: Oh yeah? You're Polish now?
Todd: No. I don't have to be. It's the same stupid thing with Brett Favre. Why is his name pronounced FARRRR-VE anyway? DUMB.
ME: *sigh*

MRMC #4
ME: (To Todd while trying to feed Ella whose new thing is NOT eating) I don't understand the drama. She doesn't have to fling her head all around and be so dramatic. (raising voice and gesturing). I mean. WHERE. DOES. SHE. GET.THAT.FROM.ANYWAY?!?!
Todd: ::rolls eyes:: Yeah. I have NO IDEA where that trait comes from...

MRMC #5
ME: I can see Ella's 2 front teeth coming in. They look SO BIG.
Todd: They aren't big.
ME: They look like big bucky beaver teeth on her little gums.
Todd: Have you seen your two front teeth? They are a lot bigger than the rest. You have good teeth though, let's hope she gets yours.
ME: Yeah, except my front one. It looks like there's a little hairline crack in it. I might have to get a gold tooth or something.
Todd: We can just get you a grill.
ME: Would it really be a grill? I mean, it's just one tooth.
Todd: Then it would just be a Gr...