Remember the children's book Flat Stanley?

'Nuf said...

OK.
Is anyone else annoyed by the new JC Penney Breakfast Club commercial? It's targeted for kids who are, what, 16? Let's do some math, shall we?

The Breakfast Club came out in 1985. Kids who are 16 today (and ready to buy all those groovy Jacques Penne' school clothes) would've been born in 1992 and would've missed the whole Breakfast Club era.

That was MY era.

MY movie.

I WAS Breakfast Club.

Get your own era and stop trying to market MY era to MY kids.

Damn, don't dis The Club...

(But I'm not bitter)
(Seriously...)
(I've let it go...)
(I'm SO OVER the whole, "Let's shut the door and get the prom queen impregnated" thing...)




Addendum: HM. Wonder why they left out the smoking-chicks-can't-hold-their-smoke scene?!?!

Editorial Note: I saw this comment on the commercial listed on YouTube and must say I totally concur about the cutting thing:
kh2sora13: Okay i saw this at the movies, then i was like "OH GOD A BREAKFAST CLUB REMAKE" then i saw the jcpenny ad then i was like "thank god" i would seriously cut myself if they made this into a remake. but i respect them for making it a commercial though! hee hee

Whenever I laugh myself into a coughing fit over something, it's generally a good indication that I need to share it on my blog. Thanks to Gigi's blog, I stole this Who are my celebrity look-a-likes?

Here are my celebrity look-a-likes:



Yes, look closer people, way UP THERE at my #7 look-a-like is none other than NSync's "I want to be an astronaut but when I couldn't I came out of the closet" LANCE BASS! My celebrity look-a-like IS LANCE BASS.

Dang, doesn't get much funnier than that on a rainy Thursday...

Just for grins, I did this one, too:


Don't you find it interesting that Jennifer Aniston only looks 97% like Jennifer Aniston?!?!
HM.

WOW.
So I'm not providing breaking news when I blog that Brad and Angelina have moved into a new pad in New York.

For $100,000/month.

And they can't even wear what they want.

Uh...HUH?!?!
Honestly, I don't care where they live (I barely care about them at all), but I did find this New York Post reporting interesting:

The snooty Towers, which sits next to the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel, has a "dress attire" that forbids guests to wear "T-shirts, tank tops, faded jeans, cut-offs and casual hats" in its main lobby, restaurants or other public areas.

WTF?!?
I'm sorry, but if I were someone like a Brad and Angelina paying $100K/month to live somewhere, I would wear whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.
And that might just include pasties and hot pink latex panties while flitting about the lobby sing-songing, "LA LA LA LA...I'm Brad Pitt, what are you going to do?!?"
(You didn't think the *new and improved* Angelina would be caught dead in hot pink latex, did you?!?)

HM. Things are becoming increasingly clear why I'm not a celebrity.

Can't figure out if this is going to be a TOTAL DISASTER or just DARN GOOD T.V.
Either way, I'm SO there... (er, if I remember it's on...)



(The VH1 Trailer is MUCH better, but it wouldn't work when embedded into the blog. *sigh*)

This morning on talk radio they were discussing a survey that showed more people knew all of the ingrediants for a Big Mac than knew the 10 Commandments.

Before you judge, go ahead an try it. Really. Try it.

I bet the first thing you did was sing the Big Mac jingle, right?! In case you're wondering:
"Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun."
(Yep, done WITHOUT looking it up).

Now the commandments?
Nope, got through about FOUR before I had to look them up. (Admitted with sadness and shame).

This just proves it - if they put the entire Bible to the Sponge Bob theme (or something equally annoying), we would all remember it.

Try it for yourself:

I. "You shall have no other gods before me.
II. "You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand [generations] of those who love me and keep my commandments.
III. "You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.
IV. "Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates. For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.
V. "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
VI. "You shall not murder.
VII. "You shall not commit adultery.
VIII. "You shall not steal.
IX. "You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.
X. "You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."

Enough said.

DANG! THIS was the blow-up costume I was going to wear for Halloween:

Or, was this one of those photo-op cardboard stand-ups that you walk behind and put your head on?!?!

Huh. I guess size DOESN'T always matter...

(And, dude, like, seriously, a sock would do wonders...)

'Brady Bunch' Star Reveals All About...

Poor Alice. She never got anything...

Ok, so I didn't see the MTV Video Music Awards last night (I was probably too busy watching reruns of Dog the Bounty Hunter or something), but I did hear all the Britney backlash this morning on talk radio. Honestly? I really don't care if she sucked (or didn't suck). But all I kept hearing were words like bloated, out of shape, and disgusting. So, of course, I had to GOOGLE pics this morning. All I have to say is if this is what we consider bloated, out of shape, and disgusting in a woman who has had two children(!) then we - our women and young women - are in deeper trouble than I thought.

I won't get on a soapbox about when it became disgusting for women to be curvy (again). I'll just simply say - Shame on us.
Really.

(I'll take this bloated, out of shape, and disgusting body any day...)

Addendum: Cute boots. (I said, BOOTS you pervs...)

So I was watching The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch (shut up) a couple of nights ago. One of the "big money making ideas" was a guy who came up with something called Toilet Tunes (I s- you not. heh heh). Be sure to watch the "commercial" because it's hysterically funny.





I can't believe that they did an entire segment on this with a straight face. I guess when you're making millions covering other people's butt music it's easy to do.

BTW- I LOVE that there's a 6 unit limit on your order and that you can get a free spa pillow. WHAT?!?!

*sigh*

(I'm starting to see a poop-related theme on this site...)

I was watching Inside Edition and they were talking about Owen Wilson's alleged suicide attempt. The reporter actually said this (yes, I am quoting directly. I ran to my laptop to log it so I would get it exactly right):


"He’s in an exclusive area of Cedar’s Sinai called “The Celebrity Area.” An area with larger rooms...called SUITES."


What is this SUITE of which they speak?!?! Maybe someday us little people will get to experience this elusive room type apparently saved only for celebrities?!?! Yes! Yes! Some day Dorothy, some day over the rainbow, you can actually stay in a SUITE.


WOW. Perhaps next time the guy can speak slowly, nodding his head - maybe spelling out some words. Or, maybe one of those white graphic on-screen pens that John Madden uses would be useful in helping us peons understand EXACTLY what a suite is.


E-gads.

(no pun intended)

But (heh heh), I have a question:
You know when they first go up to the mountain and then come (*ahem*) down and Heath Ledger's character starts freaking out and starts beating up Jake Gyllenhaal's character? Was that, like, cowboy foreplay?

(Just wondering since I just saw the movie)

Is it me, or is anyone else frightened by the uncanny resemblance between artist, poet, and famous author of The Prophet Kahlil Gibran and Borat, backward Kazakh journalist ?!?

Coincidence? I think not...

(Hey, I'm just sayin'. If ELVIS can still be alive...)

I was cleaning the kitchen on Saturday and flipped on the little counter TV to keep me company. I happened upon a series on MTV, VH1, or one of those, called something like, "My Super Sweet 16." Have you seen this piece of crapola? Here's the premise (it's the same for every episode):

Spoiled bratty child (I've only seen girls) with extremely rich parents makes fool of self throwing temper tantrums until she guilts parents to drop loads of money on a 16th birthday party that costs more than a college education.

So, you get the point. I watched a couple of episodes beacuse it was like a train wreck. I just couldn't look away. I was so infuriated at those ungrateful little brats that at the end of those episodes I actually had to call and yell at my husband about something (which, without fail, ALWAYS makes me feel better). Here are some highlights:

EPISODE 1
The first episode I saw started with a girl going to take her drivers license exam. Her dad says, "Did you study?" and she says (insert valley voice), "UH YEAH, for about, all of FIVE MINUTES." She, of course, fails her exam, sits in the DMV crying and causing a scene and yelling at her dad to "LEAVE ME ALONE!" He, of course, rewards her good behavior (and ability to fail a driving test) later by giving her a brand new BMW M3 convertible, which someone drove out of a truck at her catered dance/rave party with a big bow on it.

Way.

At her private party with hundreds of people, the entire night is spent avoiding a girl that was a friend but now isn't a friend anymore and wasn't invited into the VIP room. It made me break out in hives and give a thousand blessings that I was no longer in high school.

This episode ended by showing the birthday girl driving away in her new car (yep) with a voice over saying, "My party cost more than my parents wedding, but, like, I'm worth it. I'm princess Jazmin, duh."
(this one's a real brain child).

EPISODE 2
Episode 2 was in LA with 2 BFF having their 16th party together. Their dads (who obviously know some people who know some people) are trying to get a live band. At one point, one of the dingbats says, "Beyonce said she would do it, but she wants half a million. It's, like, ridiculous to pay that to play for an hour." *eye roll*

SHE'S BEYONCE YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE B*TCH. She's charging you half a million dollars because you are a big NOBODY and, this may come as a shock, THE WORLD DOES NOT, IN FACT, REVOLVE AROUND YOU.

*whoo-saw...find your happy spot...whoo-saw...*

Ok, so these two chicks go to Saks where they CLOSE OFF A SECTION so that these girls would not have to be bothered by, I dunno? COMMON PEOPLE staring at them during their PRIVATE FITTING while they try on dresses that Selma Hyak wore and shoes Nicole Kidman wore. The best line out of this segment was when the mom introduced the Saks lady and said, "She's been fitting Jacqueline FOREVER..."

OH.
MY.
GAWD.
SHE'S 16...WHEN DID YOU START TAKING YOUR DAUGHTER TO FITTINGS AT SAKS!??!?!

(and, yes, here name really was Jacqueline. Shut up.)

So, they do this invitation-only, 700-people party where they get a local grunge/mosh pit band to play and then are surprised when people are "starting to fight for no reason." WELL DUH...you invited 700 hormone-induced-frenzied TEENS to a MOSH BAND, you dumb b*tches, what did you expect?!?!

Of course, one of them ends up having a really bad time and says, "It's getting too crazy, I just want to go home." YEP, pretty sure the parents appreciated that after spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on a birthday party.

Wow. And I thought getting Barbie baked into a dress cake was a treat when I was growing up. Do you remember what you did for your 16th birthday? EXACTLY MY POINT!

I'll end by saying something to these parents: Don't be shocked when your kids can't become contributing members of society (and donating last season's Jimmy Choos to a charity auction doesn't count...). Oh wait, that IS how Paris Hilton became famous, isn't it? HM. Nevermind.

Did you see that movie "White Noise" with Michael Keaton? It was a movie about dead people who were trying to contact others through television "noise", computers, electronics, etc. Initially, I didn't want to see it. But about 6 months ago it was HBO when I was flipping through and I stopped on it.

It was one of the creepiest movies I've ever seen.

Just in time for the Halloween season, I had my very own "White Noise" experience.

Ok. Sort of.

The first experience involves the radio. One night, our clock radio (which is always set to the alarm and RARELY the radio) blarred on at 3 a.m. for no apparent reason. Weird.

The very next night involved an experience with the TV. Sometimes I fall asleep with the TV on while Todd is traveling. If I do, I put the volume down so low that I can barely hear it. Sometime during the wee hours the TV changed channels and then went to maximum volume. Not only that, I could not turn the TV channel nor turn down the volume - it was stuck! I finally got it to change, but after two nights of that, who could sleep!?!?

(cue twilight zone music)