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I'm stalking Steve Burns from Blue's Clues.

Well, not really stalking. More like cyberstalking.

Ok. Let me back up.

It all started with a conversation about that creepy Joe guy that took over for Steve when he left Blue's Clues. (Because, when you and your husband finally get away for a romantic weekend after 18 months of all-baby-all-the-time, what else should you do besides discuss children's television)?

Anyway...

I relayed to Todd that my brother told me (that someone told him) that the Blue's Clues guy had committed suicide and that's why he was replaced. The more I thought about it (and we discussed it), the more I thought it had to be an urban legend. So I had to do some cybersearching.

(Blame it on the Science background, there's always that need to ask WHY for everything and then research it to death until it makes you crazy. Just ask my husband).

Turns out?
The rumors were kind of like the Richard Gere gerbil thing or the Rod Stewart thing.
Steve Burns is very much alive.

AND FUNNY! IN A TWISTED WAY. (I knew I silently bonded with him for some reason.)


Steve before death:



















Steve after death:



Not bad for a dead guy, eh?


As for that creepy JOE guy (whose real name is Donovan Patton). I would pay more attention when he's on if he looked more like this and less like this on the show.


Speaking of attractions - I found an interesting tidbit when cyberstalking researching STEVE. Apparently many moms crushed on Steve and he often got comments about his derriere. That's a little weird, kind of like having a crush on your kid's preschool teacher or soccer coach, but whatever.
What do I know?
I'm writing an entire blog post about him and crush on Gordon Ramsay and Matt Lauer. (OK, to be FAIR, I had a crush on Matt Lauer until discussing his minute size - weight people, we're talking about weight here - with someone who had interviewed him).

However, I didn't find Steve attractive at all. In fact, I found him uniquely asexual. Maybe he was just a cartoon-like character to me which made him more believable when he was talking to, uh, OTHER cartoon characters. As for JOE? He looks TOTALLY uncomfortable and it's very apparent that he's thinking the entire time, "I'm just talking to a blue screen, boy do I feel like a tool."

To cement my annoyance with JOE (I can't help it, I have to write his name in ALL CAPS), he did a public service announcement (on the Blue's Clues channel) where he said, "Hi, I'm Donovan Patton. You probably know me as JOE..."

WHAT?!?! You come on the same channel that you are JOE to every kid in the universe and tell them that you really aren't JOE?!? I wasn't happy about him crushing down with reality on the kids, let me tell you.

My second-grade nephew was over a few nights ago. We had Blue's Clues on for Ella. My nephew looked at me and said, "Who IS this Joe guy? It's not supposed to be JOE, it's supposed to be STEVE."

I rest my case (because we all know only the truth is spoken from the mouth of babes).

And that, ladies and gents, is really an entire blog post about Blue's Clues.
And you thought your life was sad.

2 comments

Dale said... @ 9:47 AM

He did an album after he left the show that in parts sounds like a crossbreeding of Devo and the Flaming Lips at the oddest. Let me see if I still have it and I'll make you a copy.

WritRams (AKA: Jackie) said... @ 10:23 AM

I would LOVE that (in a completely NON stalker way). Was it any good?

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