I just finished reading through my "Real Age Assessment" and I'm P*SSED! This was actually on the assessment:
"CONSIDER BUYING A MID- TO LARGE-SIZE MOTOR VEHICLE WHEN YOU MAKE YOUR NEXT PURCHASE.The small size of your motor vehicle makes your RealAge older. A large motor vehicle provides more protection in a serious accident than does a small motor vehicle.ACTION PLAN:
Consider buying a mid- to large-size motor vehicle when you make your next purchase.
Check Consumer Reports to determine how the motor vehicles that you are interested in perform in crash tests.
Although driving a mid- to large-size motor vehicle would make your RealAge younger, the size is not as important as the routine use of seat belts and air bag protection."
Oh no they didn't! Just because I drive a cute little sporty car, then I get to tack years onto my REAL AGE?!?! Uh no. Nuh uh. Nope. Not gonna happen. As of this point forward, I'm officially THREE YEARS YOUNGER than stated "real age".
How you gonna act now you no-good-gas-guzzling-big-car-havin'-environment-killing-small-sports-car-haters?!?!
HM. (I feel much better about the One-a-Day thing after that...)
So.
There's a free "test" out there at RealAge.com that determines your "real" age - what age your body thinks it is. You should take it. It's a lot of fun.
Almost as fun as when you jam a Q-tip a little too far into your ear.
Or when slam your fingers in your car door.
Or when you stub that little pinky toe on the side of the door frame.
At any rate, you should try it.
I won't tell you what my "real age" came out to be - mainly because everytime I think about it or say it out loud I start crying uncontrollably and then I just want to sit on the couch, staring blindly at crappy daytime TV and drinking straight from the tequila bottle. I won't tell you my "real age", but I will tell you that two big things for me were that I needed to take Vitamins everyday and I needed to floss more (er, at all).
So, this morning I start my vitamin ritual. I found myself looking at the directions on the One-a-Day Women's Vitamin bottle to see how many I should take a day. HM.
I'm not sure, but I think it's supposed to be ONE per DAY.
(The "real age" thing is starting to make a little more sense...)
Today we had a bag sale (no it did not mean that Todd was selling me). If you're not familiar with the concept, it works like this:
We give customers a bag and they fill it with as many books as they can fit in the bag (from the designated sale area) for 5 bucks. It's a good way to get rid of inventory that is overtaking the store and the customers love it.
There was a 40- or 50-ish aged couple looking through the sale tables when the wife pipes up (not discreetly), "Oh look honey, women's erotica fiction." The husband nonchalantly answers, "That's worth the five dollars itself."
(I won't divulge if they bought the book *cough* *bought it* or not.)
From a valued bookstore customer in an email to me dated 3/16:
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Thank you for your correspondence. [she signed up for our newsletter and received the notification, apparently]. Your coffee was good this AM. Thank you. But your book exchange policy sucks. Sorry we couldn’t do business. If your policy should change to an even exchange of books, I will have a lot of good books to offer ( I realize you can’t do that). Until then, please remove me from your list.
Thanks for your kind hospitality when I came in this morning. I mean that sincerely and regret we couldn’t do business at this time.
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In an open response to this valued customer:
Dear Valued Customer,
Thank you for your input. If we should, at some time in the not-so-near future, decide to become a LIBRARY, loaning books for FREE, and receiving federal and state funds to cover our BILLS, you will be the first one I will contact. Until then, here's some information you may find useful:
http://www.sccl.lib.mi.us/
-Jackie Wilson, Owner
The Bookstore That Sucks But Still Has Good Coffee and Friendly Service
P.S. How do you think I pay for that wonderful free coffee you enjoyed so much, HMMMM?
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(At least I was nice when she was here. That should get me some kind of BS bonus points, right?).
