Each week I get an "Ages and Stages" email that tells me what's goin' on in my uterus (*lalalala*) at certain points during the pregnancy. Today, some of the helpful *ahem* info listed was:
Week 15 Checklist
Sports & Exercises to Avoid During Pregnancy:
Roller-blading
Skateboarding
Off-road biking
Surfing
Scuba-diving
Water-skiing
Downhill skiing
Horseback riding
Any exercises that require you to lie on your back
Hmm. What do you think they meant by the last one?!? Now, I'm pretty sure it was that "sport" that got me into this mess in the first place.
I'm just sayin'
(and don't think I'm not printing this to show my husband for the next 6 months)
When you come into a small, independent business like, say, MY BOOKSTORE, and clog up my toilet, please at least have the decency to purchase something after.
It's the very least you can do.
A fellow business owner and friend of mine just informed me that the sign in front of her business was scrambled from:
2nd Annual Oktoberfest
to
2nd Annual Cocktoberfest
Touche, Sign Scrambler. Touche.
Ok, so I didn't see the MTV Video Music Awards last night (I was probably too busy watching reruns of Dog the Bounty Hunter or something), but I did hear all the Britney backlash this morning on talk radio. Honestly? I really don't care if she sucked (or didn't suck). But all I kept hearing were words like bloated, out of shape, and disgusting. So, of course, I had to GOOGLE pics this morning. All I have to say is if this is what we consider bloated, out of shape, and disgusting in a woman who has had two children(!) then we - our women and young women - are in deeper trouble than I thought.
I won't get on a soapbox about when it became disgusting for women to be curvy (again). I'll just simply say - Shame on us.
Really.
(I'll take this bloated, out of shape, and disgusting body any day...)
Addendum: Cute boots. (I said, BOOTS you pervs...)
OH.
I am SO teaching my baby to read! (What a great party trick. heh heh)
Is it wrong to pimp your baby before it's even born?!?
HM.
Now that you've been here for a few months, it has become increasingly clear that we need to set some ground rules. The new Ninja Cocaine Kitty (NCK) Ground Rules, effective immediately, are as follows:
1. The kitchen counters are not your racetrack. Please do not use them to gain height and speed on your enemies.
2. Please do not stalk and then hide by the back door so that you can attack the 2 dogs every time I let them back into the house. They don't like this. REALLY.
3. That weird shrieking-growling-hissing combo sound that the adult cat makes when you attack her with your mad Ninja Cocaine Kitty skills is not her way of saying, "Please continue biting and attacking me. It feels really good and this is loads of fun. Bring on the love!" She doesn't like it. Please stop this behavior immediately.
4. The bay window in the kitchen with all the plants and glass bottles was not set up as your personal obstacle course. Please stop using it as such.
5. The flick on your nose to get you to release your Ninja Cocaine Kitty death grip is NOT an invitation to quickly regroup and then fling yourself again at the same spot on my arm with 10x the strength. Please stop.
6. THIS. IS. NOT. YOUR. HOUSE. We were here before you, we'll be here after you.
We reserve the right to update, change, and/or add to the Ninja Cocaine Kitty Ground Rules as needed.
