Him: *rummaging in the pantry*
Him: *rummaging in the pantry*
Him: *rummaging in the pantry*
Him: You know what we're out of...?
ME: Patience?

Him: I think Ella's having a hard time sleeping because she needs more room...
ME: Then perhaps she should buy her own apartment.
via text messages

ME: Hey, did you know McD's has free Mocha Mondays?
Him: Yeah. You should get one while you're out.

ME: Oh. Huh. I forgot it was Monday.
ME: However, the 20 minute line for the drive-thru now makes total sense...


While driving through a random neighborhood

ME: *pointing to a house with a nice patio table & chairs in the front door area* Why would you have a fantastic back yard and put your patio set in the front?
Him: Uh...maybe they like interacting with their neighbors?
ME: Why?

Him: Some people like that...
ME: WHY?!?

TV Announcement: Next survivor? Samoa

Him: Well, that's it. I can't do it.
ME: Hm?
Him: I couldn't be on survivor Samoa. All that black sand would be too hard on my feet.
ME: Uh...HUH?!?!
Him: I have very sensitive feet...
ME: *mutes TV* Ok, let me get this straight. The ONLY REASON that you couldn't compete on the next Survivor is because your feet are too sensitive?!?
Him: Uh huh.
ME: Uh...OK.

While looking at Ella's mullet hair...

Him: You know what Daddy needs to get you, honey?
Him: Rubs the baby's hair
Him: Daddy needs to get you a Bumpit for your hair. *smiles at me*
ME: blink-blink-blink
Him: What?
ME: I'm just slightly terrified that you know what a Bumpit is...


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