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I was cleaning the kitchen on Saturday and flipped on the little counter TV to keep me company. I happened upon a series on MTV, VH1, or one of those, called something like, "My Super Sweet 16." Have you seen this piece of crapola? Here's the premise (it's the same for every episode):

Spoiled bratty child (I've only seen girls) with extremely rich parents makes fool of self throwing temper tantrums until she guilts parents to drop loads of money on a 16th birthday party that costs more than a college education.

So, you get the point. I watched a couple of episodes beacuse it was like a train wreck. I just couldn't look away. I was so infuriated at those ungrateful little brats that at the end of those episodes I actually had to call and yell at my husband about something (which, without fail, ALWAYS makes me feel better). Here are some highlights:

The first episode I saw started with a girl going to take her drivers license exam. Her dad says, "Did you study?" and she says (insert valley voice), "UH YEAH, for about, all of FIVE MINUTES." She, of course, fails her exam, sits in the DMV crying and causing a scene and yelling at her dad to "LEAVE ME ALONE!" He, of course, rewards her good behavior (and ability to fail a driving test) later by giving her a brand new BMW M3 convertible, which someone drove out of a truck at her catered dance/rave party with a big bow on it.


At her private party with hundreds of people, the entire night is spent avoiding a girl that was a friend but now isn't a friend anymore and wasn't invited into the VIP room. It made me break out in hives and give a thousand blessings that I was no longer in high school.

This episode ended by showing the birthday girl driving away in her new car (yep) with a voice over saying, "My party cost more than my parents wedding, but, like, I'm worth it. I'm princess Jazmin, duh."
(this one's a real brain child).

Episode 2 was in LA with 2 BFF having their 16th party together. Their dads (who obviously know some people who know some people) are trying to get a live band. At one point, one of the dingbats says, "Beyonce said she would do it, but she wants half a million. It's, like, ridiculous to pay that to play for an hour." *eye roll*

SHE'S BEYONCE YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE B*TCH. She's charging you half a million dollars because you are a big NOBODY and, this may come as a shock, THE WORLD DOES NOT, IN FACT, REVOLVE AROUND YOU.

*whoo-saw...find your happy spot...whoo-saw...*

Ok, so these two chicks go to Saks where they CLOSE OFF A SECTION so that these girls would not have to be bothered by, I dunno? COMMON PEOPLE staring at them during their PRIVATE FITTING while they try on dresses that Selma Hyak wore and shoes Nicole Kidman wore. The best line out of this segment was when the mom introduced the Saks lady and said, "She's been fitting Jacqueline FOREVER..."


(and, yes, here name really was Jacqueline. Shut up.)

So, they do this invitation-only, 700-people party where they get a local grunge/mosh pit band to play and then are surprised when people are "starting to fight for no reason." WELL DUH...you invited 700 hormone-induced-frenzied TEENS to a MOSH BAND, you dumb b*tches, what did you expect?!?!

Of course, one of them ends up having a really bad time and says, "It's getting too crazy, I just want to go home." YEP, pretty sure the parents appreciated that after spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on a birthday party.

Wow. And I thought getting Barbie baked into a dress cake was a treat when I was growing up. Do you remember what you did for your 16th birthday? EXACTLY MY POINT!

I'll end by saying something to these parents: Don't be shocked when your kids can't become contributing members of society (and donating last season's Jimmy Choos to a charity auction doesn't count...). Oh wait, that IS how Paris Hilton became famous, isn't it? HM. Nevermind.