DISCLAIMER: If you want to keep the pristine angelic picture of perfection that I am *ahem*, then I suggest you read no further...

OK..I warned you...

I've been sick with some weird sinus thing since last November. Here are some things that I've learned from it:

#5. I do not know how to spit out of a car window (I blame this on my older brother. I mean, how could you not teach me how to do this?)

#4. It is possible not to taste your food for months on end and really have no appetite, but still gain weight.

#3. It is possible to cough yourself into a wheezing, hacking, vomiting fit at approximately the same time every evening (who knew sinuses had a timetable?).

#2. There really is no end to the amount of phlegm your body can produce.

And the #1 thing that I've learned from my sinuses over the past 3 months:

It is possible to puke up your nose and then blow the food you puked up your nose out onto a tissue...

TADA!

(hey, I warned you not to read)

(and, yes, it does burn)

As I sit here, picking ice out of my hair, having been up since 4 a.m. clearing my very long, very winding driveway of the 10 inches of drifted snow in the dark, windy, sub-zero weather while my husband is in warm, sunny Texas, I can't help but think:

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO ME!

(and, I'm pretty sure my face has frostbite...)

If you are so ill that you have to wear a portable oxygen tank and can barely walk two feet without having to sit down, you might want to DISCONTINUE smoking. (It's a dead giveaway that you still smoke when your entire body reeks so badly of cigarette stench that it makes the people around you cough.)

HELLLOOOOOOO...YOU'RE ON A PORTABLE OXYGEN TANK!

I mean, this is just my opinion but...

As you already know, I get some pretty *ahem* "interesting" people in the bookstore. Here's the winner for today:

I'm SO OBVIOUSLY helping a customer (I'm standing at the counter talking to a woman with her purse out - need a bigger clue?) when this other woman bursts through the door and just short of shouting says "ARE YOU THE OWNER?" (in the middle of my sentence to the customer I was helping). I say, "I'll be right with you" and she walks around me still kind of talking to me, not talking to me, talking to the voices in her head? I don't know...

When I get to her she says, "You're not interested in Mary Kay are you?"
*sigh*
So many things wrong here. Where to start? Honey, let me help you out:

First of all, don't start out negatively. You gave me the perfect opportunity to say NO by leading me into "you're not interested..." (which of course I said NO). It's Selling 101.

Second of all, if you're selling Mary Kay, you might want to NOT wear a dirty, inside-out sweatshirt.

AND, you might want to wear SOME MAKE-UP.

AND, NOT act like you're schizophrenic.

I'm just sayin'...

*tsk*tsk* Mary Kay. I expected so much more of your sales people...

It gets much more interesting, but I'll spare you (except for telling you that she did offer to "blow up" some pictures she had of the 9/11 attack because "they would look really, really good in here.." HM. Wonder why I didn't think of that in the nice, soothing atmosphere of my bookstore...)

It's SO time for a Bahamavention....