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You know all of those telemarketer calls you used to get at home before you put your name on the DNC list? Multiply that by 25 and that's what you deal with on a daily basis as a small business owner. I can feel your jealous insanity at the thought of what you are missing. I will gratefully share...

People trying to get you to use their merchant account for credit card processing is a daily battle. This morning I get this call:

THEM: "Can I speak to the owner?"
ME: "Speaking."
THEM: "Can you tell me who handles the merchant credit card processing?"
ME: "As the owner, who do you think would handle it?"
THEM: *silence*
THEM: *embarrassed laugher* "Yeah, I guess you're right..."
ME: *click*

There's a company that calls about twice per week. The guy starts out like he knows me, "HEY! How's it goin'?" (which annoys me endlessly). Then he goes on to say, "We're the people who put out all of those pens with business names. I'm sure you know us." Without fail I say, "No, I don't." (Every time, every single time I say that). Anyway, last week I told them not to call back. Refusing to let up, they instead mailed me an enticing little package with a really nice pen and my business name printed on it. Well, almost. Instead of THE they misprinted it THEY. So this nice item that was supposed to entice me to use their services reads THEY BOOK BLUES (instead of The Book Blues) - the dorks (or maybe I mean THEY dorks).

Can anyone say, HELLOOOOO SPELL CHECK?!??!