Today I Cried...Finally

Friday, January 29, 2010

Today I dropped Ella off at school -- back for the first time since THE EVENT.

Although she was a little shy at first, she was happy to be back. I was equally happy to have her back (for several reasons).

As I was leaving, one of the teachers said, "We're SO HAPPY to have you back! You had us really scared!"

And then it happened.

Tears sprang to the corners of my eyes.

I made my way out of the classroom and down the hall with my hand pressed to my mouth, suppressing a wave of emotions.

In the parking lot, I sat in the car and sobbed for 10 minutes.
I sobbed for my baby.
I sobbed for my baby's life.
I sobbed for the possibility of her untimely death.
I sobbed because for 15 days (15!) I hadn't let myself absorb what had really happened.

That's the weird thing about being the strong one, sometimes you forget to let yourself sob.