Subtitled: OOO-OOO, that smell!

Wow.

Who would've thought that there would be so much poop talk over the past five weeks.

A couple of weeks ago, Ella had projectile vomiting after every meal. I'll spare you all the details and test stories and scares, but she has reflux. Along with medication, the doctor had us mix rice cereal with milk to "weight down" the milk so it doesn't flow back up into her esophagus. Well, this took care of the projectile vomiting symptom, but it has added a new one - CONSTIPATION WITH GAS.

This isn't just any run-of-the-mill baby gas. This is a green fog that emits from the child's butt and settles over the entire room for hours at a time.

Imagine the smell of cabbage soup.

That's been left out in the 120 degree heat.

With some broccoli.

From a back alley restaurant trash container.

My husband covers his mouth and nose with his shirt. The dogs run away. My eyes tear up.

Anyway, I think you get the point.

I mean, does this look like the face of a child that can clear a room and have you blaming things on the dogs or your husband?!?!

So Todd takes her into the bedroom to change her diaper yesterday. I hear him making noises of disbelief, disgust & despair. In a weak moment of empathy I yell in to him, "Do you need some help?" and all I hear is a muffled,

"NO! SAVE YOURSELF!!!"

It's no coincidence that I dressed her in this outfit today:

I stumble into the bathroom at an unearthly hour this morning, groggy because of newborn-baby-induced-ongoing-semi-comatose state. I don't have my glasses on (nor my contacts in *duh*) and the lights are off (hey, I know where everything is and how much light does it really take to pee at 3 a.m.?!?!). As I sit down to "do my business", I squint at something all over the bathmat and floor in front of the shower. My mind quickly translates what I'm seeing into "ANTS! There are ANTS CRAWLING ALL OVER THE FLOOR!" But common sense quickly won out as I reasoned "Why would there be ants on our floor? It's the dead of (uh, Springtime) Winter."

I flip on the light only to find
ANTS.
THERE ARE ANTS CRAWLING ALL OVER OUR BATHMAT AND FLOOR IN FRONT OF THE SHOWER.
IN THE MIDDLE OF (MARCH "SPRINGTIME") WINTER.
WHEN IT'S 20 DEGREES OUTSIDE.
AND WE HAVE 8 INCHES OF DRIFTED SNOW OUTSIDE THE VERY BATHROOM WINDOW WHERE THERE ARE ANTS.
(DID I MENTION THEY WERE CRAWLING ON MY BATHROOM FLOOR?!?)

Now, this doesn't make sense on SO. MANY. LEVELS.
1. There was no marching line of ants. They were all willy nilly on the bathmat and under the mat on the floor.
2. There was no apparent point of entry (nor exit).
3. And, did I mention IT'S WINTER?!?

What EXACTLY were they doing? (Uh, shower party?!?) and WHERE EXACTLY DID THEY COME FROM. Are ants the new locusts? If so, Is it the end time?

These are questions I cannot answer. We found NONE in the rest of the house, nor have any returned since I sent in "The Cleaner." (I'll spare you the details).

Anyway, it may be The End of the World As We Know It
(And I feel fine...)

And my husband was worried about me eating Pop Tarts in bed.
HMPF.